From my reading today in 1 Thessalonians 5:
"18 xgive thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. "
It doesn't say, consider giving thanks in all circumstances. It's a command, GIVE. I am not called to give thanks just when things are going well, I'm called to give thanks in ALL circumstances, even the roughest circumstances.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Sometimes when it pours rain, the sun still shines.
When you personally see how the hand of God pulled you through the most difficult time in your life, it just doesn't see right to be upset when it starts pouring rain. It can start as a sprinkle, or just start down-pouring. Sometimes it stops after just a few days and then sometimes, there's no end in sight and you end up treading the flood waters. Or you see how friends/family are treading the flood waters from the nonstop rain in their lives, and then- your rain looks more like a mist.
That's where I've found myself the past two weeks. God has gone before my family, has protected my baby through everything, and has done so while pouring out his blessings. I'm thankful, yes that's right- thankful, for everything we've been through. If we wouldn't have gone through it, we would have missed seeing Him. If we missed seeing Him, He would not be given the glory, honor, and praise he deserves. Did we enjoy it? Not for one second, but no where does it promise in His Holy Word that growing in Him would be easy.
It went from the very large hotel bill we got stuck with because there was no openings at the Ronald McDonald house or anywhere else in our price range when Judah got readmitted and we had no choice but to all stay in Philly. Then a mass on my breast, the lawn mower, brand new lawn mower- breaking beyond fixing, to the weed eater dying, then to the outrageous electric bill, decisions about moving, finding Beretta a new home, still having a car to sell in Germany, to horrible attitudes and unkind thoughts. Then God gave answers to prayers and poured out blessings through family members, by financial burdens lifted, by new outlooks, and by showing us His mighty hand...again and again. I know that things are still going to happen and things are going to come up but I rest in the arms of Jesus. He has this covered. I don't have to have all the answers, or control how everything will pan out. Of course there are going to be nasty days, days that I lack faith and start to sink below the waters surface. But just like Peter- I just have to call on Him. I am thankful He is showing me how much I need to rely on Him, to put my trust in Him. In everything and all things, I give God the glory.
The day before Judah was discharged for the second time, I got really sick. I had a 101 fever with 800mg of Motrin and almost a weeks worth of antibiotics for mastitis. I also had found a lump on my left breast along with more red streaking and pain like I had never had before. I had stayed with Judah the past 2 nights and Ben had taken Audrey on a Daddy/Auddy date, so I was alone. My midwife who saw me through the Fetal Heart Center at CHOP was gracious enough to see me again. She didn't have to, she could have told me to just go to me primary care doctor or the ER, but she told me to come right over. I was in so much pain that even removing my bra about put me over the edge. She had the doctor come in right away and he ordered an ultrasound to make sure I didn't have a abscess.
My midwife called over to the University of Penn, and spoke with a radiologist at their breast imaging center and she told me to come right over. At first the resident was going to do it but when she saw how much pain I was in and the size of the lump, she got the doctor to do it so I could have it done as quick as possible. The doctor started crying when she saw the steady stream of tears down my face. At first she asked if it was okay that she talk to resident through what she was doing and seeing- I said of course. It was when she stopped talking to the resident and taking more picture that I knew something was up.
Praise God it wasn't an abscess, but it was a solid mass about 4.5cms. She said she wanted a biopsy done soon and then it wasn't until I said my Mom had breast cancer at 27, that she said within the week. I was so happy it wasn't an abscess but suddenly hit with oh my gosh... I have a large mass on my breast... I'm still running a fever...my baby is still in the hospital...how am I going to do this? Then fear started to creep in, bringing along a blanket to cover me with. I knew God had this, that whatever it turned out to be, He had this- but I was still fearful.
I wasn't fearful about going through the worst, I was fearful for my babies and my Man. How will they get through this, I can't put more weight on Ben's mighty shoulders, I can't be away from my babies - all the thoughts that would run through a devoted wife and Mommas' head. Then I was reminded that no matter how much I love them, there's someone who loves them more than I do. I kept thinking about that over and over again. That even if the worst possible thing happend, God has them and will keep them. But every once and awhile, I'd reply (yes, I was having a conversation with myself, in my own mind) BUT I WANT TO LOVE AND TAKE CARE OF THEM TOO!!!!!!
We met with the surgical oncologist and I was so thankful she said she felt it was best to do a needle biopsy instead of surgical so I could still nurse Judah and not have to go through surgery. I was so thankful. So thankful. She scheduled me for a needle biopsy the following week.
Last Wednesday morning I had the biopsy. I felt some of the weight come off my shoulders after the biopsy. There has been so many people praying us through this, and I could feel it. My Mom came and helped again, so Ben could go with me and is staying until tomorrow. Ben went back to work so she helped me with the kiddos when I couldn't lift and reminded me that there's a plan and God has this worked out. I wasn't terribly sore until Saturday. I was a good patient and listened to the instructions about not lifting the first 24hrs. I should have had more sense and waited another day or two to lift anything... but I didn't. Where the mass is, they had to go into it an odd way. The colors and bruising on my body are incredible. If it wasn't in the location that it is, I'd be taking pictures and sharing them. Anyways, I paid for it on Friday night through today. Wow.
They said the results could be back Friday but most likely Monday. Friday came and went. I was hit with a peace that surpassed all understanding that just calmed my heart and mind. The doctor called this morning and said that the mass was a lactating adenoma, which is benign. PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!!!!!!! I won't have to have it removed until after I'm finished nursing, and don't have have it remove then either but, it's a nice size mass and I want it out. God is good, even in the darkest, rainiest times. Especially in the darkest and rainiest times.
That's where I've found myself the past two weeks. God has gone before my family, has protected my baby through everything, and has done so while pouring out his blessings. I'm thankful, yes that's right- thankful, for everything we've been through. If we wouldn't have gone through it, we would have missed seeing Him. If we missed seeing Him, He would not be given the glory, honor, and praise he deserves. Did we enjoy it? Not for one second, but no where does it promise in His Holy Word that growing in Him would be easy.
It went from the very large hotel bill we got stuck with because there was no openings at the Ronald McDonald house or anywhere else in our price range when Judah got readmitted and we had no choice but to all stay in Philly. Then a mass on my breast, the lawn mower, brand new lawn mower- breaking beyond fixing, to the weed eater dying, then to the outrageous electric bill, decisions about moving, finding Beretta a new home, still having a car to sell in Germany, to horrible attitudes and unkind thoughts. Then God gave answers to prayers and poured out blessings through family members, by financial burdens lifted, by new outlooks, and by showing us His mighty hand...again and again. I know that things are still going to happen and things are going to come up but I rest in the arms of Jesus. He has this covered. I don't have to have all the answers, or control how everything will pan out. Of course there are going to be nasty days, days that I lack faith and start to sink below the waters surface. But just like Peter- I just have to call on Him. I am thankful He is showing me how much I need to rely on Him, to put my trust in Him. In everything and all things, I give God the glory.
The day before Judah was discharged for the second time, I got really sick. I had a 101 fever with 800mg of Motrin and almost a weeks worth of antibiotics for mastitis. I also had found a lump on my left breast along with more red streaking and pain like I had never had before. I had stayed with Judah the past 2 nights and Ben had taken Audrey on a Daddy/Auddy date, so I was alone. My midwife who saw me through the Fetal Heart Center at CHOP was gracious enough to see me again. She didn't have to, she could have told me to just go to me primary care doctor or the ER, but she told me to come right over. I was in so much pain that even removing my bra about put me over the edge. She had the doctor come in right away and he ordered an ultrasound to make sure I didn't have a abscess.
My midwife called over to the University of Penn, and spoke with a radiologist at their breast imaging center and she told me to come right over. At first the resident was going to do it but when she saw how much pain I was in and the size of the lump, she got the doctor to do it so I could have it done as quick as possible. The doctor started crying when she saw the steady stream of tears down my face. At first she asked if it was okay that she talk to resident through what she was doing and seeing- I said of course. It was when she stopped talking to the resident and taking more picture that I knew something was up.
Praise God it wasn't an abscess, but it was a solid mass about 4.5cms. She said she wanted a biopsy done soon and then it wasn't until I said my Mom had breast cancer at 27, that she said within the week. I was so happy it wasn't an abscess but suddenly hit with oh my gosh... I have a large mass on my breast... I'm still running a fever...my baby is still in the hospital...how am I going to do this? Then fear started to creep in, bringing along a blanket to cover me with. I knew God had this, that whatever it turned out to be, He had this- but I was still fearful.
I wasn't fearful about going through the worst, I was fearful for my babies and my Man. How will they get through this, I can't put more weight on Ben's mighty shoulders, I can't be away from my babies - all the thoughts that would run through a devoted wife and Mommas' head. Then I was reminded that no matter how much I love them, there's someone who loves them more than I do. I kept thinking about that over and over again. That even if the worst possible thing happend, God has them and will keep them. But every once and awhile, I'd reply (yes, I was having a conversation with myself, in my own mind) BUT I WANT TO LOVE AND TAKE CARE OF THEM TOO!!!!!!
We met with the surgical oncologist and I was so thankful she said she felt it was best to do a needle biopsy instead of surgical so I could still nurse Judah and not have to go through surgery. I was so thankful. So thankful. She scheduled me for a needle biopsy the following week.
Last Wednesday morning I had the biopsy. I felt some of the weight come off my shoulders after the biopsy. There has been so many people praying us through this, and I could feel it. My Mom came and helped again, so Ben could go with me and is staying until tomorrow. Ben went back to work so she helped me with the kiddos when I couldn't lift and reminded me that there's a plan and God has this worked out. I wasn't terribly sore until Saturday. I was a good patient and listened to the instructions about not lifting the first 24hrs. I should have had more sense and waited another day or two to lift anything... but I didn't. Where the mass is, they had to go into it an odd way. The colors and bruising on my body are incredible. If it wasn't in the location that it is, I'd be taking pictures and sharing them. Anyways, I paid for it on Friday night through today. Wow.
They said the results could be back Friday but most likely Monday. Friday came and went. I was hit with a peace that surpassed all understanding that just calmed my heart and mind. The doctor called this morning and said that the mass was a lactating adenoma, which is benign. PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!!!!!!! I won't have to have it removed until after I'm finished nursing, and don't have have it remove then either but, it's a nice size mass and I want it out. God is good, even in the darkest, rainiest times. Especially in the darkest and rainiest times.
Monday, July 16, 2012
One Month!
Our baby boy is a month old today. I'm not going to ask where as the past month gone- I know where it has gone and I do not wish for it to be back.
I can still feel the weight of the emotions from 4wks ago and the weeks following. Looking back, I realize just how traumatic it was... on me. As selfish as that might sound, it's the truth. I can't speak for my man but I know it was pretty tough on him. He was/is my rock through all of this. He was the one who stayed the majority of the nights with Judah because I physically and emotionally could not, and he wouldn't have it :). He kept everything all together, and picked up the pieces when I fell apart, reminding me that God had this.
I'll never forget the thoughts going through my mind as the contractions kept coming closer and closer together. I wanted them to stop, I didn't want Judah to come out yet, I wasn't ready to hand him over to a team of doctors, to face the days ahead. When I was pushing, knowing it was that much closer to the hard reality of what was to come, I wanted to just stop. I was so overcome when I got to hold him for those few seconds. He was so perfect, some handsome, so BIG!! :) I couldn't stop crying, and didn't until about... July 1st.
I can still hear my voice, telling myself- breathe Jaimie, breathe Jaimie, breathe, Over and over again as I walked away from his bedside every time I had to leave. I'll never forget watching them take my little baby away on the big stretcher to surgery. I'll never forget Ben holding me and praying over Judah and me as they were getting him ready.
In everything, absolutely everything, God has gone before us and taken care of everything. From the move from Germany, our orders, doctors, nurses, traveling, hotels, financial situation, every small detail, God has been there and made his presence known. Judah is our praise, he could have no other name.
He is such a sweetheart, our little Judah cub. He's got the craziest hair, strongest arms and legs, and the sweetest little growls and squeaks. He's also a fast learner. He went from all bottle feeding to breastfeeding in no time! He's starting to sleep a little longer through the night. Our longest was two nights ago, he slept 4 hours- then ate like he hadn't had anything to eat in days!! :) He's currently quite the Momma's boy, and I'm okay with that!
I can still feel the weight of the emotions from 4wks ago and the weeks following. Looking back, I realize just how traumatic it was... on me. As selfish as that might sound, it's the truth. I can't speak for my man but I know it was pretty tough on him. He was/is my rock through all of this. He was the one who stayed the majority of the nights with Judah because I physically and emotionally could not, and he wouldn't have it :). He kept everything all together, and picked up the pieces when I fell apart, reminding me that God had this.
I'll never forget the thoughts going through my mind as the contractions kept coming closer and closer together. I wanted them to stop, I didn't want Judah to come out yet, I wasn't ready to hand him over to a team of doctors, to face the days ahead. When I was pushing, knowing it was that much closer to the hard reality of what was to come, I wanted to just stop. I was so overcome when I got to hold him for those few seconds. He was so perfect, some handsome, so BIG!! :) I couldn't stop crying, and didn't until about... July 1st.
I can still hear my voice, telling myself- breathe Jaimie, breathe Jaimie, breathe, Over and over again as I walked away from his bedside every time I had to leave. I'll never forget watching them take my little baby away on the big stretcher to surgery. I'll never forget Ben holding me and praying over Judah and me as they were getting him ready.
In everything, absolutely everything, God has gone before us and taken care of everything. From the move from Germany, our orders, doctors, nurses, traveling, hotels, financial situation, every small detail, God has been there and made his presence known. Judah is our praise, he could have no other name.
He is such a sweetheart, our little Judah cub. He's got the craziest hair, strongest arms and legs, and the sweetest little growls and squeaks. He's also a fast learner. He went from all bottle feeding to breastfeeding in no time! He's starting to sleep a little longer through the night. Our longest was two nights ago, he slept 4 hours- then ate like he hadn't had anything to eat in days!! :) He's currently quite the Momma's boy, and I'm okay with that!
Some Judah Stats:
Eye color: the newborn gray/blue
Hair: pretty sure it's going to be a shade of red
Feeding: breastfeeding anywhere from every hour to 2 hours. Sometimes 3-4 through the night
Activity: He's got some great periods of awake time where he is so alert. One of those times is about 0430-0530.... I know.
Weight and Height: 11lbs, and we'll have to be a little late on the height...
Biggest Fan: Audrey.
At first I was so scared. I kept thinking, how in the world do Mom's do this two kiddo thing and the multiples that come after? Granted, I was still extremely emotional and still trying to process though everything that had just happend, not to mention running on about 4 hours of sleep. It's starting to look more like a possibility now. My Mom has come out three times and without her- I don't think it could have been possible. She dropped everything to come out and make sure she was there when I delivered. She took the last week off of school, used up her days to be here- just in case I went a few days early and so someone could be there with the wild woman. She left everything in her office at school, everything at home to come and help us. She kept Aud while we were in the hospital, encouraged me while Judah was in the hospital, and made things better- only like a Mom can. When Judah was readmitted and I got another infection the day before he came home, she dropped everything again and drove out. Then she came back again to help when I needed her again. God has blessed me with one amazing Mom.
We still can't believe we have been blessed with the priveledge of being Audrey and Judah's parents. All we can say is thank you Jesus for our babies and family.
We still can't believe we have been blessed with the priveledge of being Audrey and Judah's parents. All we can say is thank you Jesus for our babies and family.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Wagon Time
We've been hunting for a wagon for the wild woman for some time now and finally found one we liked. We meaning Ben. I can take no credit for looking up all the types, pricing them, and reading the reviews- that was all my man.
It came shortly after we came home from spending 4 days in Philly. It's the wild woman's new favorite! She loves wagon rides, and training Beretta to pull it, it's quite comical.
It came shortly after we came home from spending 4 days in Philly. It's the wild woman's new favorite! She loves wagon rides, and training Beretta to pull it, it's quite comical.
Putting wagon together with Daddy
Such a helper
Yes, Beretta is hooked up pulling the wagon...
She was clapping and yelling NOOOOOOOOOO hahaha I told her it was time to go get a bath.
Auddy and Daddy Date
While Judah was in the hospital, the second time, Ben took Audrey to the Please Touch Museum in downtown Philly. She had been cooped up in the hotel/hospital for 2 days and was needing some attention. At first we counted it out because of the price but since it was only going to be Ben and Aud, we thought it would be okay. AND then God poured out another blessing and we only paid $11 instead of $50 something!!! They gave Ben such a fantastic discount and free parking, we will be going back!
They got there as the doors were opening and had a blast being the only ones there for awhile. Once kiddos starting coming later in the morning, Aud didn't want any part of it. They had a great date together, I can't wait to go with them next time!
They got there as the doors were opening and had a blast being the only ones there for awhile. Once kiddos starting coming later in the morning, Aud didn't want any part of it. They had a great date together, I can't wait to go with them next time!
I love this picture
Ben said she LOVED the piano keys and spent a good bit of time there :)
So much fun she could hardly take it....
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Two more rooms done, or at least pretty close :)
We didn't get a chance to paint before our things arrived and it's been nuts every since- oh well, maybe some day it'll get painted.
Judah loves his German co-sleeper!
The play room
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